I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize