Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
