now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
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Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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