my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
