You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize