hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
