Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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