Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
