my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
