Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
