You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
