A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
