True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
