I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
