I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
