you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Panties = found
Randomize
