I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
