Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
