okay pat passed out under dana's car
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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