For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
