I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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