Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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