Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
