Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
