I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
