its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize