its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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