the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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