Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
