I look better un-naked...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
