Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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