hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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