I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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