I want to have your abortion
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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