She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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