i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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