shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
