I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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