we're chasing vodka with high fives
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
