Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.