Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...