I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
