Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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