Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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