Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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