Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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