when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
