Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
