I'm gonna have a badass scar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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