i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
