If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
