I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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