oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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