Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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