I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
