Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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