In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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