If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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