Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
