Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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